Alone

M i being left alone?
this question come to me few days back
i duno why bt it just came to me

A feeling tells me that u are getting far from me
Something makes me feel that u no longer besides me
U no longer of mine
and i m no longer of yours

I'm being left alone
in this empty shell
i can feel the obduracy from u lately
the coldness from u n everything

Seems like there is a wall between you n me
How m i going to confront all these with you?
i'm wondering..
I can't figure out any solution
i don't know what is the better way to talk to you..
to avoid arguements..
i hate argues..i dislike negative things happen
between you n me

Lately
i really don't know what had happen between us
things seem does not goes well
tiny topics or things can turn into arguement
cold war..
i don't want this happen between us
but i could not help

Sometimes
i'm tired
tired of everything
tired of pressures from studies
Even u might think i'm silly to have such thought
bcz i think to end everything in my life
just to put a fullstop there
but it's hard
Hard, because i can't let u go from my life

You
has become part of my life
without you..without your everything
who m i now..
i want to be special to you..
i don't want to be just an ordinary person
no matter in what condition or circumstances

I'm appreciating everything that happen between us
previously and currently
i tried to tolerate with you under any circumstances
i hope nice things will happen between us
which then will become memories
in our story

I had tried hard to make good for the sake of our r/ship
Tolerating
giving chances for you n me

I start to feel being abandon aside
you seems so far away from me
i can't hold u tight anymore
i know there should be spaces between us to spend with friends n family
but
i just can't hold back my tears

Everytime when noticed someone called or find you
jealousy comes..
When you hang out with friends
even knowing u r tired
you still go on
but not for me
makes me feel i'm no longer important to u
i'm just no one to u
When notice that friend is far more important than who m i
i start to feel the loose between you n me
When there's less care from you compared to those day
i start to feel that you getting bore with me

After all
i still hold on tight to myself
tell myself that everything that i feel n think is just my jealousy thought
i'm just too sensitive on certain matter
i'm just too free to think those nonsense

I told myself not to think much alt i feel suffer
but i told myself not to be this suffer
must be tough enough to go through all these barriers
i still put my beliefs on you
believing there will be solutions and better ways for us
to go through ups and downs

I've tried very hard to make myself have a good sleep at night
but i fail to do so
bcz i js can't close my eyes
i'm afraid that u will leave me alone
i'm afraid of the darkness
afraid of being left alone again
i can't hold back tears from scrolling down
i can't stop the pain in my heart, it's bleeding
Seems that there is a minor hole in there
i dun wan last time bad memories appear in my life with you
i m hoping a special, different life with you
i might be asking for too much
but i just don't hope to lead back those days life with "bastards"

You told me before that you will be different from them
and i can feel it
but lately
things seem doesn't goes well

i'm the one who changed or you?
i have no idea about it
i dare not to demand for any high expectations from you anymore
i dare not to ask you for promises
because i don't want you to have stress
to have me giving you pressure to achieve things that i want

i just hope you can be by my side
when i need u...

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